Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Smoking Without Buying: how to get by on "Reclaimed" Tobacco (cigarette butt rolling for beginners)

Don't hate. You know, at some point, them cheap contraband smokes are gonna dry up. And you know you're gonna run out of money for them. Doesn't matter how cheap they are. Nothing's cheap enough when you're broke.

Good thing there's cigarette butts lying around all over the place. Now, this is one of those articles where it wouldn't be getting written except as a harm-reduction measure. People are going to smoke discarded tobacco one way or the other, and it's a good idea if they do it in the safest, most dignified way possible. Which is to collect said tobacco, dry it in the sun, roll it in a rolling paper, and smoke it properly.

So here's what you do: rolling papers can be acquired at some of Toronto's harm-reduction centers. And crack pipes can be acquired at all of them. Either can be used to smoke scavenged tobacco. Hell, crack pipes are great for smoking bits of cigarettes just as they are: just load 'em up, light it up and you've got, basically, a cigarette inside a crack pipe. Of course, addicts, the public and the police will all crucify you for doing this, so that's what you do in the privacy of your back alley or whatever. Your "home," your abandoned street late at night, whatever. Save your rolling papers for those times when there's human beings around. Fucking humans.

When you pick up the tobacco, keep your germ management in mind. Use gloves if you can, use disinfectant after you've done your collecting, after you've emptied the tobacco out into a bag, and before you start rolling. Have two bags. The one you collect your butts in, which is gonna be dirty and will need to be cleaned with soap and water, or hand sanitizer, or whatever, after being used. And your "clean" bag, which is clean. And which you use to empty the tobacco into. You'll want to sniff each bit of tobacco after emptying it out of the cigarette and before adding it to your tobacco stash. If it smells fucked up, just discard it. If it smells alright, add it to your stash. And then dry your stash in the sun, in the bag. While you're cleaning your hands. Soap and water's OK. Then you roll up your tobacco like a joint, maybe save some of the stuff from inside your scavenged filters (after ripping the paper off from the outside and cutting off the part that'd be touching the kind stranger's mouth), and use that to filter the tobacco. Sucks to inhale bits of tobacco or have it in your lips. That's poverty. Best thing is to spend your cigarette money that you'd usually drop on a week of smoking, or a day or whatever, drop that one a month's supply of rolling papers, and then don't share them. Fuck everyone else. Those who share today need to be shared with next week. All this we're-all-jesus community sharing bullshit goes right out the window by the time everyone's benefits cheques have run out (like after the first week or so of each month), and then who's laughing? You, like two weeks before, drunk off your ass, smoking Belmonts between joints and being Jesus the kind, sharing dumbass. Roll your own butts, out of sight, and keep a couple rolled smokes in your cigarette pack, just a couple, so you can show that you've only got a couple, while your stash of tobacco is hidden deep in your backpack. The best way to limit your sharing is to lie through your teeth. Except schitzophrenic people can tell when you're lying. So just tell them "sorry." You really are sorry. You'd like to share. You would share, if it didn't mean going without later. If you're the kind of person who's not continuously bumming shit off other people, don't give stuff to those who are. They have their own layer of society... the people who give-and-take, and end up fighting with everyone when the community charity suddenly runs out and they're owed. Don't be owed. Don't owe. Nobody's got your back. That's all bullshit that disintegrates at a moment's notice. Nobody has your fucking back.

So it's good to have a little tobacco reclamation kit. Some rubbing alcohol, a crack pipe, some rolling papers, a couple other bags, the dirty one being stored inside another clean one that's not used for tobacco (so, four bags including the one that contains everything), and a bunch of clean filters. If you're the kind of person who smokes weed and mixes it with tobacco, then hopefully you've got a bunch of unused filters lying around. One typical cigarette filter can be used for like two or three smaller ones. Maybe four, actually. Because you cut it in half, and then split each of those halves into two thinner filters. Oh yeah, and a small pair of scissors.

Don't leave bits of cigarette lying all over the place. Like dumpster diving, the only way to do this without getting in shit is to leave the street cleaner than you found it. In fact, pretending to clean up the street is a good way to make it look like you're not scavenging for smokes. So if you're really elite, your kit is gonna include a little hand-broom and a dustpan. And you make it look like you're putting all the debris in the closest public garbage bin, but you're actually disposing of the debris from your previous take. The old switcheroo. A bit of slight of hand. You never know what potential employer or middle-class friend might be watching. Nothing like running into the friend who's about to recommend you for a job, while you're picking up butts in front of a bar. Which is why it's good to do it late at night when nobody's around. Or in an area that you don't have anything to do with. No matter how careful and discreet you are, you're going to get gawked and leered at. People will occasionally offer you a smoke. Remember, if you take it, you're silently promising them that you'll stop picking up cigarette butts in the area, at least for the time being. So, basically, make a decision. If the area's "productive," it won't be worth it. If the pickings are slim, it's worth considering. Yeah, poverty's a bitch.

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